Hey Writers—Check Out These Holiday Marketing Tips from the 7th Century

If you can sell 9th-century Latin chants, you can sell anything.

As a writer I’m always looking for insight into how to better use language to inform and persuade. On Christmas Eve I found just that in an unlikely place.

I was rummaging through my music collection in search of something other than the dozen or so seasonal standards that this time of year keep cycling on the radio (and in big-box stores, dentist offices, etc.). At the bottom of a stack of vinyl albums I uncovered something I’d forgotten I owned—a record purporting to contain Gregorian chants for Christmas.

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In Praise of Hallmark-Style Happy Endings, Even at Christmas


Any more you can’t get through the holidays without being made painfully aware of the parade of Christmas-themed Hallmark movies (and Hallmark knockoffs) airing on multiple cable channels and streaming online.

This outpouring of cinematic treacle begins well before Halloween and may even last until after New Year’s. I couldn’t say for sure when it ends because by January 1st I’ve usually sworn off confection of all kinds.

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Writing Tip No. 1: The Naked Truth about Choosing the Right Words

Naturalist: noun, meaning "a student of natural history."

Naturist: noun, meaning "a nudist"

In thirty years of earning my bread as a writer and editor I’ve identified a few principles of fundamental importance.

The one I wish to address at present I could have learned by heeding the repeated asides of the Spanish swordsman in The Princess Bride. Namely, that failing to ascertain the proper meaning of a word is one of the quickest ways to lose credibility as an auteur.

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